This is my rifle, this is for fun

It’s normal for fathers to worry about the safety of their little princesses, but my father worries more about the safety of items and people in the fall out zone of my clumsiness and violence… His eyes flash with fear and his voice betrays his nervousness when he realizes I’m carrying a tray of drinks, playing mini golf, closing a door, pretending (PRETENDING) to punch somebody in the face, going near anything delicate and expensive, touching anything mechanical or electrical (cameras in general, his in particular) so it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t see this photo of me firing a AK-47…

Everybody else had a go with machine guns but I went for the classic assault rifle. I quite fancy one of these now, maybe I’ll get a flatbed Toyota pick up to go with it. I can see insurgent chic being the next big trend down Stoke Newington farmers market (I wouldn’t stand out enough in Dalston though…)

Day 2

We visited the Cu Chi where the Vietcong used tunnel systems to wage guerilla war against the US, the museum bit was a ropey but you got to try out the tunnels (some slightly widened to allow for fat European asses!!) and other stuff…

Day 1

I joined the tour in a different hotel yesterday after I got back from the beach. Had a closer look at the new biggest building in Saigon as I walked up, its massive with a huge platform which I thought was for a restaurant or something but it’s actually a helipad. It’s owned by some petrol company, there’s loads of oil here, which I never really realized but it adds another aspect to the American invasion…

It’s a random ragtag group of aussies, brits and Canadians on the tour either in their twenties or their forties for some reason…might be interesting, might not be…We went for a bit of a wander round in the evening together but I was frankly bored of HCM and quite keen to see something else!! The hotel was a bit shitty but close to the back packing area which is somewhere I’ve not really spent a lot time before – it does what it say’s on the tin and if you want to buy a watered down cocktail, a copy of Mr Nice or a whore then it’s the place to go…

Fountains of Cheese

 “The Worlds Local Bank” often cuts off my supply of money when I travel abroad, which I find exceptionally frustrating and when I was paying in the hotel, I saw the familiar hesitation as the lady tried to put my payment through. I mentally prepared myself for the annoyingly familiar conversation with the Indian call service employee when she came back and told me that I had a 15% discount on my whole bill as I was a HSBC customer. It nearly makes up for the hours of international phone calls…nearly…

The hotel I stayed at was really Chinese (the outside was made of cardboard and stucco like the new Peninsular shopping mall in HK, the rooms were decorated like a shit, fake Victorian themed London Pub, there were ashtrays everywhere and there were random rooms with nothing in them) and I suspect somehow the hand of the Hong Kong Shanghai Banking Corporation was involved...

 
This was my view on the second day. I had two swimming pools all to myself (complete with fountains and bridges) it was AMAZING!!!! I fully understand how lucky I am, I know I can seem like a spoiled little bitch at times but I totally appreciate all these fantastic things, it's just a shame I was on my own...)

Luna de Miel

On the MSN useless facts the other day, there was story about a Taiwanese woman marrying herself, she’s obviously a bit nuts but I think I’ve just been on honeymoon on my own…Vung Tau is a slightly grotty beach resort 90 minutes away from HCM by hovercraft and according to the guide book has a big statue of Jesus and temples and shit, but I don’t care about that!! This is what it’s all about, books, green mango and chilli salt (90 cents) sun, beer and beach (I went in the swimming pool rather than the South China Sea, I don’t want to catch sea AIDS)

My honeymoon nights consisted of me eating cheese and watching Transformers 2 in bed (although I wouldn’t be on honeymoon with anyone who didn’t accept this as a perfectly normal activity anyway- love of cheese, beer, shit sci-fi movies are things I look for in a man- along with big hands and the ability to talk to strangers- I’m not a particularly fussy lady…)

My legs are much more tanned now than this by the way... Como hecho la menos la playa!! The beach was so close when I lived in Alicante. My journey to work used to involve driving past the Med, now it consists of wedging my nose up somebodies armpit as I stand on the train... Spain was boring as shit though when the sun wasn't shining- just need to kep on remembering that!!

Nam nam nam 3

And I also how to make the beef stock in Pho!!! It's like making mulled wine but with more bones....Hope everyone fancies Vietnamese food when I get back!!

Nam nam nam 2

I also learned how to make spring rolls properly (normally the ones I make look like what comes out of a dog after it’s stolen a newspaper and eaten it!!)